My heart is breaking. I can feel it weakening. We spoke this morning but nothing good came out of it for me. He "needs to think".

So, I am going to stay with a friend for a couple of days and he said he will call me. I am leaving some of my things here because I can't take it all with me just yet but I still think the phone call will bring me bad news.

I can't go on feeling like this. I haven't eaten in 3 days, all I have drank is half a pint of orange squash and I physically feel like I am dying from the inside out. I don't know how someone can change so quickly from loving you to making you feel like you are worthless. I feel ridiculed because of how much I love him and how much it seems he hates me.

I can hear him coughing in the next room and my heart breaks. I am sitting in the spare room on my computer waiting for my friend to finish work so I can go to her house and cry. That is all I have done. I haven't slept - I just cry.

All i want to do is go in there and hug him and for him to tell me everything will be OK. But I know that wont happen. I asked him for a hug earlier and he didn't want to give me one. But he did, I think purely because I broke down. I have no-one and nothing here apart from him. The places I can go where I have people is far away. Too far for me to even try and change his mind if he decides he no longer wants me. I feel like a discarded piece of garbage. I have served my purpose and now I am being tossed out. But five years is a long time to forget. I can't forget it.

I am going to sort my things out that I am taking to my friends now - oh and before I forget, I think I have lost my job because i have been unable to go into work.

Until next time, if I haven't died of a broken heart.